By Mark DaCosta- In our daily lives, many Guyanese encounter controlling individuals without even realising it. These people exert their undesirable influence subtly yet pervasively, negatively impacting our personal and professional relationships. Recognising and addressing this behaviour is crucial for our well-being and peace of mind.
A controlling person can manifest in various forms — spouse, partner, boss, colleague, sibling, parent, or friend. They share common characteristics: an excessive need to dominate others, manipulation, and a lack of respect for personal boundaries. They may dictate your actions, criticise your decisions, and undermine your self-esteem to maintain their influence. According to Dr. Patricia Evans, an expert in interpersonal communication, “A controlling person often creates an illusion of being supportive while gradually eroding the other person’s autonomy.”
Such behaviour constitutes a form of abuse. It may not always be as apparent as physical violence, but it is equally damaging. Psychotherapist Amy Morin states, “Emotional manipulation is a form of abuse that can leave deep psychological scars.” This abuse manifests in various ways: constant criticism, isolation from friends and family, and making you doubt your own judgment. The controlling person’s goal is to weaken your sense of self and make you dependent on them.
The impact of interacting with a controlling person can be profound and multifaceted. Psychologically, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of helplessness. You might find yourself constantly second-guessing your decisions or feeling incapable of functioning independently. Socially, it can result in isolation as the controlling person often seeks to cut off your support network to increase your reliance on them. Physically, the stress of dealing with such behaviour can lead to health issues like high blood pressure, headaches, and a weakened immune system.
Dealing with a controlling person requires a strategic approach. Here are several steps – recommended by experts – to manage such situations effectively:
1. Recognise the Signs: The first step is to acknowledge that someone is trying to control you. This recognition is crucial as it empowers you to take the necessary steps to reclaim your autonomy.
2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear, firm boundaries regarding what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. Communicate these boundaries explicitly to the controlling person. For instance, if a colleague constantly critiques your work in an undermining way, firmly state that constructive feedback is welcome but derogatory comments are not.
3. Seek Support: Engage with friends, family, or a support group to strengthen your social network. These connections can provide the emotional backing needed to withstand the manipulative tactics of the controlling person.
4. Limit Contact: Where possible, reduce the time you spend with the controlling individual. If it’s a work colleague or a family member, try to interact in group settings rather than one-on-one, which can help diffuse their control.
5. Professional Help: Consulting a therapist or counsellor can be beneficial. They can offer strategies to cope with the emotional impact and help you develop resilience against controlling behaviour.
6. Educate Yourself: Understanding the psychology behind controlling behaviour can empower you. Knowledge about manipulation techniques and their effects can make you more resilient and less susceptible to such tactics.
7. Practice Self-care: Engage in activities that enhance your self-esteem and well-being. Regular exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness practices can help you maintain a positive outlook and reduce the stress caused by the controlling person.
In our nation, it is essential to promote awareness about the subtle yet harmful effects of controlling behaviour. By recognising and addressing these dynamics, we can foster healthier relationships and build more supportive communities.